Our kids got a trampoline for Christmas from their grandparents. We got the last tie on the safety net secured and all of a sudden there are two kids in our yard staring at the thing like it's a fresh body and they are a newly turned "walkers." Wtf? Where are the parents? We don't know these kids. We could be mass murderers or pedophiles for all they know!
The situation got more serious this past weekend when my husband brought home a new above ground pool. As he was sweating his ass off trying to install it into the deck, more "walkers" appeared. "Hey, mister! When's that pool gunna be ready so we can come swim?" Excuse me? The nerve of these little effers. We have never seen them before in our lives. We knew we would have to regulate the swim time with the neighbors' kids, but at least we KNOW them. There were kids coming out of the woods. I don't even know where they were coming from. We live in a very rural area and there are not that many houses close. Do they live in the woods? Are they actual zombies? Can they smell fun outdoor recreational equipment like trampolines, swing sets and pools? Do their parents even care that their children are wandering through the woods and talking to strangers? They were drooling, breathing heavily and their eyes had glazed over. Definitely "walkers." Well, I hate to break it to ya kiddos but you're not invited to contaminate my pool with the zombie virus. Have you been watching "The Walking Dead"? That shit is spreading via the vapors now! I can only imagine the havoc to be wreaked if it gets in the water. And I would prefer it if my children could avoid this particular virus. It's hard enough to keep adequate groceries in this joint. Imagine if I had to feed two zombies. No, thank you!
I'm not about to have all these freaky little kids showing up at my house in their bathing suits holding their water noodles, breathing heavily and coughing all their cooties on me. Call me harsh, but I didn't pay all that money to entertain the children of the corn for the summer. While we have the proper fence and gate (complete with lock) I feel some signage will be a necessity. Here are the pool rules:
Sign #1:
No Lifeguard on Duty. Private Property. No Trespassing. Children must have an invitation to swim AND a parent or they will be tazed, no exceptions.
Sign #2:
NO: running, yelling, eating, drinking, diving, peeing/pooping/farting/sneezing/coughing.
And last, but certainly not least:
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